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The Room Episode 6
Sam, Jack and Conor are all tense, standing and wearing catsuits. Jack- You guys ready? Any second now our salvation will come in the form of a camp chat show host. Conor- You're sure Alan Carr has the strength, the speed, the fabulous outfit to save us? Jack- I trust that man ahead of anyone else in the world. If we're ever going to get out of here, then he's the one who's going to save us. Sam- Look! The door's opening! Jack- Finally, Alan is here and we will be free of this dungeon! The door creaks open and a disembodied head is thrown in. Blood splatters across the three manboys. Conor walks over to it and picks it up. Sam- Is it him? Conor- Of course it is. Sam- Shit. Conor- Ah well, something to do. Sam goes over and roots around in Alan Carr's Jacket. He pulls out a Party ring. Sam- Brilliant! I love Party rings! Jack- What've you found? Sam- Party ring. You know, that biscuit that looks a bit like a doughnut. Jack- They're my favourites. Conor- And mine. Has he got anymore? Sam checks. Sam- No. Just the one. Conor- Why would he only bring one biscuit? Sam- Well, I found it, so I guess it's mine. Conor begins to shake and fizz. Jack- What's happening to Conor? Sam- It's part of a geeks biology. When threatened, they instinctively go into something called 'Nerdrage'. It is curable but it isn't pretty. I'd get down if I were you. Sam and Jack hide as Conor activates his Nerdrage. Conor- ....WINDOWS CRASHES ALL. THE. TIME.... NOT staying with the ESTABLISHED CANON!!! Stargate UNIVERSE! How dare they CANCEL V! V was BRILLIANNNNT! Just because Erika wasn't that believable as a character!!! WHY DOES HALO REACH CONTRADICT THE EVENTS OF THE NOVEL 'FALL OF REACH!' Yugioh GX... Pokemon Black and White... tired idea's.... STAR TREK ENTERPRISE??? Sam pulls out an inhaler and pushes it into Conor's face. He begins to calm down, muttering things like 'Mass Effect 3' and 'J.J Abrams' Sam- I took a course in Nerd-aid. This inhaler contains X-men comics and Warhammer figures in gas form. Jack isn't listening. He's moving over to the Party Ring. Sam- Hey! Sam stands across from Jack, both circling the ring. Then, Conor joins them. They all face off against each other, Good bad and the ugly style. Jack- I'm not leaving here without that ring. Conor- Guess you'll be here for a long time futhamucker. Full length shot of all of them individually. All should be looking aggressive. Sam wears a pink cowboy hat. Then a shot behind Conor looking at Jacob. Then behind Jack at Sam. Behind Sam at Conor. Then a shot of all three of them at groin level (Thats in the actual film, bizarrely.). Conor's eyes flash from side to side. Then there should be a shot of Jack clicking a 'finger gun' ready. Then of Conor and Sam. Then Conor should look directly at the camera. Then multiple different close up with the faces getting ever more ridiculous as the music ups tempo (It will be the actual music from the film.). It starts flashing from faces to hands to groins and finger guns before suddenly Jack pulls it out and shoots Sam, then turns it on Conor as they both fall to the floor. He walks over to the Party ring and takes a single bite. Jack- That was so worth it. Jack looks at the dead bodies. Jack- Kind of regret it a bit. If only I could go back in time- Mysterious Voice- Time, Jack? Is it really that time again? It seems as if you only just arrived. You've done a great deal in a small time span. You've done so well, in fact, that I've received some interesting offers for your services. Ordinarily, of course, I wouldn't contemplate them, but these are extraordinary times. You see a shiny boot kick the dead Conor's leg. Mysterious Voice- Rather than offer you the illusion of free choice, I will take the liberty of choosing for you...if and when your time comes round again. I do apologise for what may seem to you an arbitrary imposition, Mr Jack. I trust it will all make sense in the course of...well...I'm not at liberty to say. In the meantime...this is where I get off. There is a long pause. Jack- Sorry, I wasn't listening. Focused on more important things. Like biscuits. Who even are you? Mysterious Voice- If Conor was still alive... maybe you might know. Only he has the... sadness... to recognise my identity. Jack- Aw, don't. I've said sorry. They don't mind, do you Sam? Conor? Camera pans to Conor and Sam lying on the floor. They shake their heads. Conor- No, it's fine. Sam- I would have done the same. Jack- See? It's cool between us. Mysterious Voice- What would you say if I could give you the... opportunity to bring them back to life? Jack- Bollocks? Mysterious Voice- You will have to team up with a small boy...a boy who has never felt love, or compassion, or been touched by another human being. Jack- I thought that was Sam. Mysterious Voice- The other boy who has never love, compassion or been touched by another human being. JAck- Simon Cowell? Mysterious Voice- I speak of a boy known as Willstead. I shall be seeing you soon Jack. And not just the topless photo's on the internet. The actual you... Slowly zoom into Jack's face with tense, exciting music until- Jack- Hang on- Topless photo's? THE END